How to speak "boonie"

While having the customer unplug the power cord from his modem for 30 seconds and plug it back in, the customer told me while trying to plug it back in, "you should put some hair back here." I asked him why and he responded, "so I can find the hole!"

I asked a customer if he was using an Ethernet cord or a USB cord, his response was "urethra".

To a customer, the monitor is the "computer", and the actual computer is just a tower.

These are from Bryce...

Bryce: What version of Windows is on your computer?
Customer: It's 98 XP
Bryce: Is is Windows 98 or Windows XP?
Customer: It's Both!

Bryce: What version of Windows in on your computer?
Customer: Ah, I'm not really sure.
Bryce: What color is the Start button?
Customer: It says Start and it's red, green, blue, and yellow (Windows Flag).

This one is from Nick...

Customer: "The transponder has no productivity light."
Translation: "The cable modem has no activity light."

The number one heard thing while on the phone...

"My Inner-net don't work!"

Outlook Express
Outline Express
Lookout Express
Email Express
Outlook Explorer
Outlet Express
Outlook Entourage
Microsoft Lookout

Linksys router
Lin-skis
Link-skis
Link-skies
Linksystem
Lindsey
Lingsing
Links
Linksync

Microsoft Windows
Windows Professional
Windows 2000 XP
Windows HP
Windows 2003 XP Home
Windows 9.0
Windows 97

Internet Explorer
Internet Express
Internet Exploder

Misc.
Secure SNL instead of secure SSL.

BSU Controller instead of USB Controller.

Northern Internet Securities instead of Norton Internet Security.

Wireless Transmitter instead of Wireless Router.

Ethreal Adapter instead of Ethernet Adapter.

Default Getaway instead of Default Gateway.

UBS instead of USB.

UPS instead of USB.

Tabletop instead of desktop.

Foxfire Mozilla instead of Mozilla Firefox.

Mozilla Firebox instead of Mozilla Firefox.

MacFree Antivirus instead of MacAfee Antivirus.

Norris Antivirus instead of Norton Antivirus.

MaHalfy instead of MacAfee.

The worst routers to buy are Linksys.

The worst security software is anything by Norton.

The worst kind of boonie are the "left-clickers". Every time you ask them to click, they ask, "left-click?"

And probably the single most hardest thing to do is walk a boonie through the installation of USB drivers for a cable modem on a Windows 98 machine.